What personality types are narcissists attracted to? Do they target individuals with specific qualities and traits? The answer is a resounding “YES!”
Narcissists seek a certain type of person, one who will put up with their controlling, manipulative, and coercive behaviors, without making too much of a fuss.
Which makes sense…. because relationships are transactional for narcissistic people.
Disordered people tend to be lazy. This is why they align themselves with people who possess a high degree of empathy and compassion. People who won’t easily rock the boat.
Securing fuel for themselves just got that much easier… Because why not get something for as little a cost as possible?
A person who fits the profile of being a caring person, is less likely to recognize that they’re being exploited, and are the recipient of entitled behavior. People who sincerely care about others often have unsuspecting natures, and guess who doesn’t want to be suspect in anyway? That’s right, narcissists!
Those who are naturally empathetic tend to question themselves, internalizing the abuse as a result of something they are doing, rather than pointing the finger at the real culprit, the narcissist.
Compassionate people are inherently introspective and reflective of their own behavior, almost to a fault, which of course, works to the toxic person’s advantage.
Narcissists gravitate to people who will make them feel good about themselves. They lack self-esteem and have a rejection wound, so why wouldn’t they look for partners who are naturally caring, to shore up their fragile ego and self-esteem.
They look for loyal people, who place a premium on relationships…
A narcissist’s goal is two-fold: firstly, they look for people who will make them appear better than they are by mere association.
Secondly, when it comes time to devalue the person, because of some unknown crime they’ve committed (unbeknownst to them), the narcissist will get more of a kick out of the discard because of the emotional and mental prowess of their victim.
Devaluing and discarding someone who is emotionally, physically, socially, intellectually, financially, and even spiritually, impressive will generate a greater degree of supply for the narcissist. They’ll get more satisfaction out of their cruelty.
And rest assured…. devaluation will surely follow once the narcissist has used their unsuspecting partner to their advantage…
The Double Standard
Toxic people require their feelings to be validated at all times, yet without their flaws being noticed or called out.
The infamous double standard, so apparent in narcissistic relationships, will always be a glaring reality because the same privilege is not afforded to the partner who is looking for a committed and mutually-fulfilling relationship.
Their feelings will never be acknowledged, let alone validated…
Narcissists love to criticize and condemn, and will constantly bring up what their partner is supposedly doing wrong, but will never accept accountability for their own actions. Blaming, shaming, denial, and lying are part and parcel of how they relate to others.
Narcissists do not have the emotional maturity to accept criticism and blame, no matter how gently it’s communicated. They are adept, however, at viciously doling out words meant to harm…and when they are entirely unwarranted.
Compromise and conflict-resolution are foreign concepts in narcissistic partnerships. This is due to the double standard being firmly held in place by their pathological behavior.
Narcissists target loyal people, who will stick with them through thick or thin, even though the expectations placed on the emotionally-healthy person are unrealistic. This is why neurotypical people feel like they’re the crazy ones when relating to someone who is narcissistic.
The expectations are constantly changing…there is no rhyme or reason to the narcissist’s incessant demands and requirements.
A toxic person may also look for someone who lacks confidence… someone who is vulnerable, especially a person who has recently come out of a relationship. Vulnerable people are less likely to notice manipulative tactics for what they are.
The Bottom Line
Be careful who you allow into your inner circle…
Narcissists are sneaky. Their behavior can be very covert and not easily detected. They’re capable of fooling astute, educated people. Unless you know what you’re looking for, you could get caught unawares.
Educate yourself so you know the signs of the disorder. Set and maintain boundaries at all costs. Strong boundaries include speaking up for yourself in a manner that an adolescent in an adult body can clearly understand.
Because this is exactly what you’re dealing with…
Understand that all of us are fair game and potential victims for toxic people. It doesn’t matter how educated, financially well-off, intellectually gifted, or physically attractive a person is, it is possible they can be fooled.
Be cautious and leery. Know the signs of narcissism so you can spot a predator as quickly as possible. Narcissists are indeed predators and perpetrators. Don’t fall prey to one.
Disordered people are out there. Don your spiritual armor and be ready for battle if need be…
Have you been in a narcissistic relationship? What were the warning signs you noticed first? Please share your experience in the comments below.
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