Valentine’s Day can be a tough day for many reasons. It can be unusually taxing if you’re dealing with a narcissist. Follow these tips on how to be happy alone on Valentine’s Day.
If you’re in a toxic relationship, you’ve had to learn how to live in a minefield and stay alive. If you’ve divorced a disordered person, but aren’t yet in a nurturing relationship, your heart is learning how to beat again. Either way, many people dread Valentine’s Day, and are blissfully relieved when it’s over.
Follow these 5 tips to navigate the heartache of Valentine’s Day when your heart has been wounded.
Table of Contents
1. Make Yourself Scarce
The best way to deal with a narcissist, is to not be around them. This is a verifiable truth. Make yourself invisible on Valentine’s Day. This is the most strategic way to protect yourself. Why? Because disordered people love to drive, that proverbial wedge, in even deeper on days they know mean something to you. And know they do…
So just disappear! You’ll save yourself the torment of being a target, while robbing them of the sinister pleasure they get from seeing you crumble. It’s a double win.
Make plans, beforehand (this is key), with friends or family. Go to a movie or out to dinner and laugh and have fun. Who’s to say this isn’t almost as fun as being on a romantic date with someone normal. It’s a close second, for sure. This will also serve to distract you, which leads us to tip #2.
2. Keep Yourself Busy
Distraction is your friend. On Valentine’s Day, it’s your best friend. Structure your day so you don’t have a lot of free time. Free time lends itself to commiseration. Mapping out what you want your day to look like, will not only distract your mind from what you think you’re missing, it will also help to alleviate the disappointment of expectations that are never met.
Catch up on tasks you’ve been stressed about. You’ll feel a sense of accomplishment, while passing the time. Getting things done, especially things that have been on the back burner for a long time, can’t help but boost your mood.
Go do something you’ve been wanting to do, but haven’t taken the time to do. This could be anything: go on a hike, go to the beach if you live close, ride your bike at the park if the weather permits, go for a drive and listen to soothing music, treat yourself to your favorite food, or go buy a cute new outfit or pair of shoes.
3. Don’t Focus On The Past
Valentine’s Day is triggering enough without focusing on what happened in the past or on what is happening now. Give your brain and heart a holiday from all that confusion and grief. Put it on hold for just one day. Your mind can pick it back up tomorrow.
Valentine’s Day is already fraught with emotion. Make a decision to let go of all those negative thoughts you’ve been ruminating on. Mindset is huge. Instead, focus on all the good things that are going to happen this year. “Expectation is the breeding ground of miracles.”
Give yourself the greatest gift of all – a holiday from thinking. Our thoughts dictate our emotions. If you align your thoughts with peace and joy, you’ll feel more balanced, stable, and energetic. This positive emotional state will make the day much less triggering.
4. Devote The Day To Self Care
Pamper yourself. When was the last time you took an entire afternoon just for yourself? I bet it’s been far too long. Too many women, and particularly those in abusive relationships, fail to nourish themselves on a consistent basis. Most are in survival mode.
Existing in survival mode not only harms the body, it’s lethal to the soul. What did you enjoy doing years ago? Before life became so tumultuous? Before you lost yourself? Resurrect some of those long-forgotten activities you used to love.
Doing things we enjoy and that bring us pleasure, calms our emotions and diffuses stress hormones that have been raging for years. Sleep in, take a long hot bath with candles and essential oils, finish that book you’ve been neglecting, or put on some music and stretch, all while strategically distancing yourself from any toxicity.
5. Look At The Long Game
Next year on February 14th, you’re life could look completely different. Really! You could be head over heels in love with someone who honors and cherishes you, and who goes all out on Valentines’ Day, to make sure you know it.
I know thinking this way doesn’t wash away the grief you’re feeling in the moment, but it can provide perspective to what you’ve been through. And it gives you hope. Don’t lost hope. We lose far too much when we lose our hope.
Things can, and do, change every day so don’t give up on visualizing the life you see for yourself in the future. Even if you haven’t found someone a year from now, your life will look different, and your heart will have healed substantially. Time is our friend when we’ve been on the battlefield.
Remember my friends, Valentine’s Day will come and go, and you’ll be okay. Because you’re strong and you’re beautiful and you’ve done so many hard things up until now. You’ve got this…
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