How do we come to an understanding of suffering without defaulting to the trite response “This must be God’s will?” Below are a few thoughts I heard Richard Rohr, a Franciscan friar, say about this weighty topic.
When asked to what degree God is involved in suffering, Rohr answered that, although, no one has a definitive answer to this oft-asked question, what we do know is that God allows suffering in the world. His belief is that God does not cause suffering, but He uses it and allows it.
Why would a loving God allow His children to suffer? Because loss and tragedy and absurdity, in all their forms, are necessary for personal evolution. Does God maneuver this personal evolution?
There are no black and white answers to this question, but what we do know, is that many people who have suffered great loss, believe that God’s sovereign hand was with them in their wilderness, and that many of the puzzle pieces fell into place once the storm had passed.
Many remark that they were wounded just enough to embrace the grace of the trial without being destroyed by it. This revelation always comes after the fact, and is how faith is tested and strengthened.
In the midst of our greatest suffering, it can feel like absolute hell. This is when self-pity roars its ugly head. This is also when the temptation arises to cry out to God with the proverbial question: “Is this really God’s will for my life?”
Rohr suggests that we avoid these unanswerable questions, which in themselves do not provide clarity or attach meaning. Rather, hold the suffering, instead of seeking to resolve it; for resolution is often impossible in inexplicable situations.
The cross is the holding, not the resolving. The meaning comes from the holding, from the experience itself, not from protesting, resisting, or railing against what is happening.
The wise, the holy, and the compassionate people of the world have always gone through at least one wilderness season. Many have travailed there more than once.
What Do We Learn From Suffering?
Suffering and agony break the illusion of control. The belief that there is meaning and purpose in our suffering softens it somehow, making it easier to bear .It also softens our frantic grasp around it.
Rohr recommends not trying to resolve, or explain the pain away, but to sit with the struggle. Sometimes the best we can do, in the middle of the raging storm, is to stand still and trust, while the winds of adversity swirl around us.
This is what we must do when we’re in an extended Saturday, and it seems unfathomable that Resurrection Sunday will ever come. Rohr states that admitting one’s weakness and vulnerability, while recognizing that the state of victimization is a dead end, are helpful stances to adopt during times of trial.
The cross, which is our suffering, is usually initiated by those in our inner circle. Christ experienced this betrayal and so will many of us. This is the wounding that hurts the most, that sears the heart so deeply. This is the loneliness of suffering, when you realize that those whom you thought were in union with you, never understood you.
This is when self-doubt, self-critique, anger, and blame arise, along with the question: “What could I have possibly done to deserve this?” It’s in this place, where there are no answers, that we reach a crossroads. This is the juncture where we must decide either to forgive or to become steeped in bitterness.
All of us will be faced with this decision at some point in our lives. Betrayal is a sacred wounding. How well will you carry the wound while waiting for your Easter Sunday? For carrying will always be part of the process. The wound that isn’t projected elsewhere, or used to feel sorry for oneself, becomes the way through.
This is the gift of being betrayed, at least once. You will come to a place of openness if you yield and surrender.
Forgiveness and Adversity
What about forgiveness during times of trial? The decision to forgive, is a function of the will, rather than an emotional response. This one decision, if made well, can help us to move forward without becoming embittered.
How do we focus on the hard work of sustaining open-heartedness? How do we not lose sight of the lessons gained from being brought to our knees? The fruits of love and suffering can only be maintained by some contemplative practice, for it is in these practices, that we are able to fight the natural tendency of our hearts to shut down and become cynical.
It takes a concerted awareness and focus to live and love from an open heart. Rohr also advises to notice when you have a tendency to deem your suffering as greater than someone else’s. Don’t let this belief become a weapon to make yourself more enlightened because you view your suffering as greater than someone else’s.
This is the antithesis of keeping your own heart open and tender. A tender heart is the gift of suffering and allows us to impact the world in ways only we can. To be able to love and serve others from a place of having been broken, yet redeemed.
Open-heartedness begins with a choice to say: “I choose to draw on a deeper love because it isn’t coming upon me naturally. “Show me God how to draw upon a deeper love when I’m angry, when I’m undone, when I don’t feel love? When my mind feels broken, and my heart is shattered, at what the world has become.”
Owning grief and doubt are integral parts of the resurrection process. It is the acceptance of the undeniable fact that suffering is woven into the cosmos. Appreciating the miraculous, amidst immense suffering, is the ultimate lens-cleanser.
The new perspectives we gain during times of adversity dispel an entitlement mentality, and the natural inclination to take for granted the miraculous in our lives. We retain this “awakeness” by listening to our suffering, by holding the suffering, without trying to resolve it.
We must embrace the vulnerability, the loss of control, the need to know all the answers, while allowing grief to awaken us, to soften us, and to break us open so that we don’t shut down, spiral out of control, and become hardened in our hearts.
We must also recognize, that in suffering, nothing is lost, nothing is wasted. The recognition, that what we’ve experienced has meaning, can position us to grieve that which we don’t understand. These choices require large degrees of humility, which prevents the temptation to revel in distrust, doubt, and disillusionment.
How do you come to an understanding of suffering and wrestle with absurdity, while still choosing to view life through a lens of love and goodness?
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