How To Deal With TOXIC People During The Holidays
The holidays are a special time of year as we celebrate our Savior’s birth. Unfortunately, Christmas can be a mixed bag of emotions for many people as they deal with relationships that are less than healthy. I’m sure many of you can relate. Follow these tips on how to deal with toxic people during the holidays.
- Avoid “Trigger Talk” to the best of your ability. Certain topics can be very triggering for people, and are best avoided altogether.
Examples of trigger talk are politics and religion or maybe something that happened years ago and never got resolved so it keeps getting brought up.
Or it could be something that you’re going through right now that you’d rather not talk about. Decide before you attend a gathering that you will do your best to avoid these topics altogether or deflect them if and when they get brought up.
Prevention can go a long way in not triggering volatile emotions. It’s also much easier than having to diffuse those same emotions after the fact.
2. Set boundaries and refuse to tolerate disrespectful behavior of any kind. Loving others and having a healthy dose of self-respect are not mutually exclusive. You can have both. This is where boundaries are key.
If you detect the slightest degree of malice or ill-intent, distance yourself at once from the source. Politely excuse yourself and walk away. This strategy is prevention at its finest.
No discussion or explanation is required. Simply remove yourself from the situation. Done…
You are in no way obligated to be the recipient of abuse of any kind, including verbal abuse.
Keep the conversation very superficial with people who have previously shown themselves to be dysfunctional. There is a 99.9% chance that they have not changed.
This is where managing your expectations comes in. Don’t magically wish people to be different than who they are. As much as we want to think the best of others, some people are very adept at stirring the pot. Don’t let them stir yours.
3. Set a time limit on how long you’ll stay at a gathering. Parties can be a great time, but overextending the time you stay can backfire pretty quickly if you go over your threshold.
Be intuitive enough to know what your parameters are in terms of time.
For me, I have enough emotional reserve for two (maaaybe three hours) at a given event. It could be longer IF the emotional climate is healthy.
However, if toxic people are overly-represented, shorter times periods are very much advised. The key is to know what your individual threshold is and stick to it.
Not only is it within your power to protect yourself, it is your right and privilege to do so.
I hope these tips have been helpful. They’re a great way to preserve relationships, along with your sanity and goodwill, during the holidays.
Here are two resources that have helped me. They can be particularly enlightening if you’ve been in an abusive relationship, and need guidance in unpacking what happened to you.
Forgiving What You Can’t Forget: Audio Bible Studies
I would love to offer you support by extending an invitation to join my private Facebook group – The Toxic Relief Room.
The insights, understanding and camaraderie of other women who are in dysfunctional relationships is an invaluable resource for anyone who is in an abusive partnership or recovering from one.