Moving on After Divorce

Well, I’m officially out of my house and moving on after divorce. It was a grueling, 5-month process that I thought would never end. Two of the offers fell through as we were nearing the closing date. To say I was terrorized is an understatement. Having to have a house show-ready at any given moment is not for the faint of heart. Thank goodness I was living alone or it would have been simply oppressive. 

This is the house that I have loved and lived in for 17 years. I planted every plant in my backyard, which was my haven, my sanctuary, and my secret garden. I poured all of my love and creativity into this house.

I painted every wall, sewed every drape and bedspread, and took many of the pictures that were on the walls. I loved its eclectic Tuscany flair that was both sophisticated and cozy. I ran two businesses out of this house and birthed another one. Ideas and dreams were born here, some of them coming to fruition, while others are not yet realized.

I lost six dogs in this house, one of which took me two years to get over. Three of these beloved pets are buried in my back yard. Life came together in this house and life fell apart here. The relationship that I thought was solid and that would last forever slowly transformed into something I didn’t recognize at all.

I learned that true evil does exist and that people can choose to change right under our noses. I learned that bad things don’t just happen to other people’s families. Bad things happened to mine.

Towards the final stages of the sale, I had zero emotional ties to the home I had once loved. I just wanted out. The best thing about unloading the house is that it freed me from being tethered to my narcissistic ex-husband. The house represented the last tangible evidence of our “togetherness.”

Selling represented much more than releasing a physical structure. It was the final piece of the complicated puzzle that was my marriage.  Driving down the driveway for the last time was liberating and freeing and bittersweet. The whole gamut of emotions was in that car with me, flooding my heart and mind. I know that the enormity of the situation has not entirely sunk in yet, probably due to my utter and extreme exhaustion.

I want anyone who is reading this post to know this: If I can mastermind the fix up, listing and sale of a big house, you can too, even if you’re quite positive that you cannot. Life happens a day at a time until resolution comes. Was it hard, yes – was it worth it – YEEEEESSSSS!

Gratefully, there are moments of respite in times of immense stress, allowing pressure to be released, and enough courage to be gathered to tackle the next obstacle. Obstacles are part of life, as we well know, but even more so when you’re married to a toxic person. The obstacle quotient automatically goes up due their disorderedness. 

Moving on With Life

Here’s a breakdown of some of the things I learned while dismantling my life so that it could fall into place again: 

• I’m a lot stronger than I thought I was 
• I could have meltdowns – which I did – but then wake up the next morning with a new resolve to conquer 
• The untruths my husband insinuated about me were just that – untrue
• That I can navigate attorneys and courts and mortgage companies and finances in a way that works to my advantage, even though my name was still tied to his
• Dialing in my spiritual life was, and will always be, key 
• Self-care is absolutely imperative, and a non-negotiable, when living through a crisis. I can’t regulate my emotions and mental processes if I’m not taking care of my physical needs 
• I can trust myself to do what needs to be done. It may not be done perfectly, but it will get done when needed 
• I learned who has my back and who doesn’t. This was enlightening, and surprising, to say the least.  

The bottom line is this: We have all the inner resources we need, to either deal with the hard situations we’re living in or to extract ourselves from them altogether. We only need to tap into and cultivate these resources. Just because they’re untapped, doesn’t mean they aren’t there. When I was at my lowest, the right people were sent to help me or I was given flashes of insight that would carry be safely to the other side. 

Farewell my gingerbread house on the hill. I will miss my mountains that you were nestled up against. I will cherish the good times, holding the heartwarming memories close to my heart. I will also be continually on guard to protect my fragile heart from the memories that broke it. I’m thankful for the lessons I learned while living here. They helped me grow into myself. 

Goodbye for good to the house I called home. I will miss the poignant memories of your warmth and charm, particularly at Christmastime.

Watch me go guys. I’m reinventing myself, and taking all the valuable lessons I learned with me, so that I can live life on my own terms – this time.

It’s never too late to change your life for the better…

Join my private facebook group – The Toxic Relief Room – if you could use some support while navigating a toxic relationship or moving on after divorce.