Forgiveness. It’s a big topic, and one most of us don’t talk about. We’d rather keep our anger. This has been me at times. Did you know that forgiveness is a gift you give yourself because it has more to do with you than the person you’re forgiving. Releasing negative emotions is an essential component of good health since our emotional health is directly correlated with our physical health. Learn how to heal a broken heart and boost immunity.
When you’re angry, the person you’re mad at has control over your physiology. Did you know that? Forgiving that person frees you from that invisible control. Anger from unforgiveness puts your body in a stress response, wreaking havoc with both your endocrine system and neurotransmitters. From a health perspective, forgiveness is absolutely essential. It’s impossible to recover from a deep hurt or injury until you forgive.
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How To Heal A Broken Heart
1. Forgiveness is enlightened self-interest: Forgiveness frees up physical, mental, and emotional energy that can be put to better use elsewhere.
2. To continually hold onto hurts, grudges, and offenses, robs you of the best possible version of yourself: Unforgiveness is an unflattering way to live, diminishing your potential and ability to truly shine.
3. Forgiveness frees your heart from negative emotions: Who wants a heart filled with negativity? I’m confident none of us would willingly choose this. Open your heart to new ventures and horizons, releasing the past and embracing the future.
4. Forgiveness is not an emotion, but rather a decision: This is good news because we don’t have to feel forgiveness in our hearts in order to forgive. Decide to forgive and then do it. It’s a function of the will, not of the emotions.
5. The act of forgiveness leads to self-healing, self-liberation, and the empowerment that follows: Anger, pity, disgust, and contempt deprive you of the emotional, mental, and physical resources you so desperately need for healing and liberation.
6. Forgiveness is the martial arts of consciousness: It’s virtually impossible to raise your consciousness if your mind and heart are resonating with unforgiveness.
7. Forgiveness informs the way you view the world: Do you want your perspective clouded from bitterness or a heart radiating with the joy forgiveness brings?
8. As Ghandi said: “The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong:” A strong character is infused with humility, and the willingness to forgive.
9. Forgiveness has a curative power greater than any medicine: With forgiveness, the ache of remorse is eased, and the wounds of bitterness soothed. The words “I forgive you” heal and set free.
10. Unforgiveness warps your thinking and inhibits your mental stamina: It’s tortuous to be ridden with hateful and unkind thoughts towards another human being. It zaps your precious mental reserves that could be put to much better use.
More Reasons To Forgive
11. Forgiveness drives away fear: A mind riddled with anger and stubbornness is not a mind at peace.
12. Forgiveness eases the pain of being unloved: because it expands not only the capacity to love, but also to receive love.
13. Forgiving another person doesn’t make them right, but it frees you: Forgiveness is the road to freedom. Lovingly releasing the past with all its wounding, enables a future filled with hope, healing, and understanding.
14. Forgiveness fosters gratitude and mindfulness: It’s hard to feel truly grateful when your mind is preoccupied with feelings of hate or even revenge.
15. Forgiveness lead to humility and teachability: Unforgiveness stems from a prideful and willful heart. Surrender leads to humility, and a willingness to learn. The undercurrents of unforgiveness are cynicism and suspicion. Forgiveness breaks the bonds of these negative thinking patterns.
16. Forgiveness acknowledges vulnerability: We forgive because we want to be forgiven, not only from past mistakes, but from future ones as well. We’re all human. We make intentional and unintentional mistakes throughout our lifetimes. What a shame to be held hostage forever for our misdeeds. Extend and receive grace.
17. Conflict is a prison that becomes more dangerous the longer you’re in it: Unforgiveness keeps you entangled in past conflicts. It’s confining and limiting, holding you back from a life more in tune with your authentic nature.
18. Forgiveness infuses the future with hope: Unforgiveness holds it captive by unrelenting feelings of malice and mistrust. Release the past so the future can live.
19. Forgiveness reframes past events: Could the realization that what you remember happening may have a different meaning that better reflects reality?
This gets into the issue of intent. Many past hurts you endured may not have been intentional, but more a function of your own emotional state or immaturity at the time. Forgiveness corrects long-held distorted perceptions.
20. Forgiveness releases you from making every petty situation a matter of life and death: Make an overarching decision that you won’t make everything a federal case, replacing resentment and arrogance, with patience, and empathy. Extend the understanding to others that you’d like to receive.
I highly recommend these two books on forgiveness:
Forgiveness: How To Make Peace With Your Past And Get On With Your Life
The First Step To Heal A Broken Heart Always The Hardest
Realize the hardest step on the path to forgiveness is the first one. Make the initial decision to forgive, and the journey gets easier. Remember, forgiveness is not a feeling from the heart, but a decision of the will. Practice reframing forgiveness as a gift you give yourself, rather than an act of letting someone else off the hook.
Forgiveness is not about forgetting, nor is it about reconciliation. It’s granting yourself permission to move on from resentment and pain. Essentially, forgiveness is your ticket out. Create a brighter future by focusing on the positives in your life, and all the good things that are coming. Don’t let past setbacks and failures rob tomorrow of its hope. The world would be a far better place if love was our priority. At its heart, forgiveness is love.
Key Points
The person you’re holding a grudge against most likely has no clue you’re even mad at them. Their energy isn’t getting zapped from your unforgiveness, but yours most certainly is. Forgive because you value your health on every level. It’s the ultimate gift to yourself.
Forgiveness is an act of faith, while unforgiveness is failing to trust in a higher power. God has already forgiven all of us. When we forgive, we are merely extending what has already been offered. Forgiveness breaks the bonds of our self-made shackles.
Do you have someone in your life you’re having a hard time forgiving? How would your life be different if you chose to forgive. Let me know in the comments:)
References:
(1) John Hopkins Medicine: Forgiveness: Your Health Depends on It
(2) Mayo Clinic: Forgiveness: Letting go of grudges and bitterness
(3) Medscape: Forgiveness Can Improve Immune Function
(4) ResearchGate: Forgiveness and Immune Functioning in People Living with HIV-AIDS
(5) Kaiser Permanente: The health benefits of forgiveness
Disclaimer: This article is strictly for informational purposes only and is not intended to be medical advice.
I have read through this post a few times now and can honestly say that you have really touched my soul with your meaningful words, you are right forgiveness is a huge topic and just not discussed enough. I agree it definitely has more to do with the person that is forgiving rather than the person needing forgiveness.
All 20 ways are very powerful but Number 11 resonates with me
11. Forgiveness drives away fear. A mind riddled with anger and stubbornness is not a mind at peace.
Thank you for writing this post, I will be sure to pass it on to all my friends, family and associates, I am sure that the more people that read your post, the more people will be able to benefit from its powerful healing properties.
Hi James,
Thank you so much for your kind words. I’m so happy my post touched you. Forgiveness is a big topic and not talked about enough. Most people equate it with freeing the person that committed the offense, instead of the other way around. In reality forgiveness frees the person that does the forgiving.
I like number 11 too. Who wants to be fearful? That’s a terrible way to live. Anger is toxic and disrupts peace of mind. Bottom line: forgiveness heals. Thanks again for reading and for your thoughtful comment. So appreciated!
I think that some people don’t realize that forgiveness is more for them than for the person who hurt them. But as you rightly said it really is a decision and it does free you from carrying around that excess baggage. I think in general, people need to realize they will get hurt from someone at some point in time.
When that happens, as it will happen, it’s important to be open to learn from the incident and move on. Holding on to the hurt does not help us get over it. But letting go of it does. The thing about forgiveness is that it is freeing. But most people don’t experience that freedom, because they want to hold on to grudges, hurts and offenses.
Hi Vanessa,
It’s true that many of us don’t want to forgive because we think we’re letting the other person off the hook. I’ve been guilty of this. When we realize that forgiveness is more for us than for the other person, we can make the decision to forgive and let go.
What a relief to not have to keep dragging around that heavy baggage that is wearing us down even more than we realize. Every single person on this planet will experience hurt of some kind, whether that offense was intentional or not. The decision to learn from it and to not hold a grudge will be pivotal in the healing process.
Forgiveness equals freedom and who doesn’t want to be free?!
I have never really looked at forgiveness in this way. The reason I forgive and forget is because I tell myself that life is too short to hold unnecessary grudges. I use this as a basis to forgive people even if they don’t deserve it.
Sometimes forgiving someone can be so difficult because of how hurt we might be. It is really easier said than done, which is why you find people carrying a grudge for a very long time. I have seen grudges that have gone on for more than 20 years. You may find this unbelievable, but the pain some people feel makes it just too difficult for them to forgive the offender.
Hi Jay,
You’re taking care of your health by forgiving and forgetting. Life is too short to be walking around with toxic emotions. Forgiveness is based on a decision, not whether or not the person deserves it.
It’s hard to forgive when we’re hurt. Grief, anger, and sadness make the decision that much more difficult. You’re right, people can hold grudges for years, even taking them to their grave. It’s so senseless really when the act of forgiveness could have freed them from their bondage.
That’s what unforgiveness is at its essence – bondage. Not a good place to be. And it’s terrible for your health. Thanks so much for reading!
Excellent post you have here and I must say you have talked about a very sensitive topic. Forgiveness is a very great virtue that very little people possess, and the few that own it, don’t use it often.
The reasons you have stated in your post are simply spot on, and I must say I will bookmark this post and read it over again. Also, I will share it with others. Thanks so much!
Thank you. Forgiveness is a sensitive topic and one that’s not addressed nearly enough in my opinion. When we’re hurt, it’s so easy, and sometimes even feels good, to hang on to our “righteous anger.” In the long run, however it’s extremely toxic. Anger can kill. I appreciate you sharing my article!
These are all beautiful reminders that forgiveness has nothing to do with the person that you are upset with… it’s all about you and your own health. It’s not always easy to forgive, but it is always worthwhile and an action that is in your own self-interest. It’s beneficial to learn from negative experiences, but holding grudges will only hold a person back. Forgive, let go, and let yourself move forward with life.
Hi Aly,
Thank you and beautifully said. Forgiveness is enlightened self-interest. We make the choice for our own health. Unforgiveness is toxic because the body recognizes negative emotions as such. Forgiveness is always worthwhile, although not easy.
Holding grudges takes up too much mental bandwidth. In the end, it’s not worth it. Letting go will always be the best course of action because it frees you from being tethered to the past, and allows you to move forward with your life.